In early year of 2011, I told you I don't want to study in Science Stream. I failed in every Science subjects' tests including topical tests. I told you I want to study in Art Stream because I know my ability in literature. I know I'm damn good in literature more that science. I told you if I get bad results in SPM, it'll be your fault. I'll blame you entirely. But yet, you just nod without thinking what's best for me. You're too selfish, you know that? You just think about yourself. Hell, you'll leave me drowning to save your ass.
Now I got an A+ in English subject. Bare in mind, I only got an A+ in English. Can't you see? My mind, my passion belongs to the Art Stream and not in Science Stream. I know I can't understand a single shit about science, I'm talking about Biology, Chemistry and Physics. Since I was in primary school, my dream was to be a lecturer majoring in English language. But now that you FORCED me to study science, I HAD to change my dream to a vet. I know it can be hard but I TRIED my my very BEST to succeed in science subjects.
I worked my ass off for SPM to get better grades in all the science subjects but I got both C in Biology and Physics, and D in Chemistry. I always get an F in science subjects but I guess you just don't appreciate my improvement, don't you? But instead, you blamed me, and still is. Why can't you just accept me, mom?
You despise me that much, do you? I feel bad enough now for getting bad results in SPM and yet you still want to make things harder and worse for me.
Should I tell you that after I received my result slip, I was so devastated that I might disappoint you and I was out of my mind? Yes, I was completely out of my mind. I cried and cried that whole day. I know you don't know about this because I know you will say "I told you so" instead of "It's okay, honey." I too had this crazy thought to take my own life. I'm talking about suicide here. I was thinking, should I cut my wrist and bled to death? Or just jump from this building and die instantly?
Knowing that you still blaming me for my bad results makes me miserable, mom. I know you're jealous of your friends' children's results because they got way better results than mine. But you can't compared me to them. I am still your daughter. Your own blood. Why can't you just accept me for my ability? Before I received my result slip, my friend told me that her parents will still loves her, even though she will get a bad result. When I heard her saying that, I feel very upset because I know you won't feel the same as my friend's parents. But, I will try harder next time to satisfy you.
Tuesday, 26 March 2013
Thursday, 21 March 2013
No More Regrets
This week is a though week for me. Having a driving test and receiving my SPM result slip all at once were huge burdens for me. It was hard for me to sleep at nights. Nightmares about failing my driving test and having a bad result haunted me in my dreams. So, I prayed and prayed each day, hoping I will pass my driving test and have a good result.
It was 20th of March 2013 when I was about to have my driving test. Before the test, a JPJ officer gave us a quick talk about what were we going to face. I gave a smile to one of the JPJ officers, to check out whether I still have the charm :P . Anyway, long story short, I've passed my driving test and I have a driving license in my hands now.
The truth is, I just wanted to tell you all about my SPM result. That is what I scared the most because it kind of determine what will happen to you next. Are you going to a good college? Well, it's all depends on my result. I got a bad result, well, for me it's bad. 3A 3B 2C 1D. I had a huge mental breakdown the minute I saw my result slip because will my result be good enough?
The only A+ I got is my English paper. So, it makes me sad to give up on my dream to be a vet. I love English subject because I always ace it. And now, I want to be an English teacher. :)
I almost forgot. I wanted to tell how miserable I was yesterday. I was really upset that my twisted mind was thinking; "Should I commit suicide? Because with this result, there might be no future for me." Well, now I'm in a right mind and I'm glad that I'm still here. I kind of passed the phase where we can make irrational decisions.
It was 20th of March 2013 when I was about to have my driving test. Before the test, a JPJ officer gave us a quick talk about what were we going to face. I gave a smile to one of the JPJ officers, to check out whether I still have the charm :P . Anyway, long story short, I've passed my driving test and I have a driving license in my hands now.
Driving license.
Kelisa.
The only A+ I got is my English paper. So, it makes me sad to give up on my dream to be a vet. I love English subject because I always ace it. And now, I want to be an English teacher. :)
I almost forgot. I wanted to tell how miserable I was yesterday. I was really upset that my twisted mind was thinking; "Should I commit suicide? Because with this result, there might be no future for me." Well, now I'm in a right mind and I'm glad that I'm still here. I kind of passed the phase where we can make irrational decisions.
Saturday, 16 March 2013
Clothes I Wanna Buy
By SL Shop (5 pieces RM100)
By Mos Fashion
By Mos Fashion
RM27
RM28
RM27
RM29
RM29
RM27
RM29
RM28
RM27
Friday, 15 March 2013
Gotta Be Somebody by Nickelback
First time saya cari lirik lagu ini. It has a very meaningful message.
This time, I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life, the one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I'll be waiting for the real thing, I'll know it by the feeling
The moment when we're meeting, will play out like a scene
Straight off the silver screen
So I'll be holding my breath, right up 'til the end
Until that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Tonight, out on the street, out in the moonlight
And dammit this feels too right, it's just like déja vu
Me standing here with you
So I'll be holding my breath, could this be the end?
Is it that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
You can't give up, (when you're looking for) a diamond in the rough (cause you never know)
When it shows up, (make sure you're holding on)
Cause it could be the one, the one you're waiting on
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me, oh
Nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
To find the one in this life, the one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I'll be waiting for the real thing, I'll know it by the feeling
The moment when we're meeting, will play out like a scene
Straight off the silver screen
So I'll be holding my breath, right up 'til the end
Until that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Tonight, out on the street, out in the moonlight
And dammit this feels too right, it's just like déja vu
Me standing here with you
So I'll be holding my breath, could this be the end?
Is it that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
You can't give up, (when you're looking for) a diamond in the rough (cause you never know)
When it shows up, (make sure you're holding on)
Cause it could be the one, the one you're waiting on
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me, oh
Nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Tuesday, 12 March 2013
Daylight by Maroon 5
I can relate this song with my situation before I know my crush has a girlfriend. When I held my hopes too high.
Here I am waiting, I'll have to leave soon
Why am I holding on?
We knew this day would come, we knew it all along
How did it come so fast?
This is our last night but it's late
And I'm trying not to sleep
Cause I know, when I wake, I will have to slip away
And when the daylight comes I'll have to go
But tonight I'm gonna hold you so close
Cause in the daylight we'll be on our own
But tonight I need to hold you so close
Oh-woah, oh-woah, oh-woah
Oh-woah, oh-woah, oh-woah
Here I am staring at your perfection
In my arms, so beautiful
The sky is getting bright, the stars are burning out
Somebody slow it down
This is way too hard, cause I know
When the sun comes up, I will leave
This is my last glance that will soon be memory
And when the daylight comes I'll have to go
But tonight I'm gonna hold you so close
Cause in the daylight we'll be on our own
But tonight I need to hold you so close
Oh-woah, oh-woah, oh-woah
Oh-woah, oh-woah, oh-woah
I never wanted to stop because I don't wanna start all over, start all over,
I was afraid of the dark but now it's all that I want, all that I want, all that I want
And when the daylight comes I'll have to go
But tonight I'm gonna hold you so close
Cause in the daylight we'll be on our own
But tonight I need to hold you so close
And when the daylight comes I'll have to go
But tonight I'm gonna hold you so close
Cause in the daylight we'll be on our own
But tonight I need to hold you so close
Oh-woah, oh-woah, oh-woah
Oh-woah, oh-woah, oh-woah
Oh-woah (yeah), oh-woah (yeah), oh-woah (yeah)
Oh-woah (yeah), oh-woah (yeah), oh-woah!
Why am I holding on?
We knew this day would come, we knew it all along
How did it come so fast?
This is our last night but it's late
And I'm trying not to sleep
Cause I know, when I wake, I will have to slip away
And when the daylight comes I'll have to go
But tonight I'm gonna hold you so close
Cause in the daylight we'll be on our own
But tonight I need to hold you so close
Oh-woah, oh-woah, oh-woah
Oh-woah, oh-woah, oh-woah
Here I am staring at your perfection
In my arms, so beautiful
The sky is getting bright, the stars are burning out
Somebody slow it down
This is way too hard, cause I know
When the sun comes up, I will leave
This is my last glance that will soon be memory
And when the daylight comes I'll have to go
But tonight I'm gonna hold you so close
Cause in the daylight we'll be on our own
But tonight I need to hold you so close
Oh-woah, oh-woah, oh-woah
Oh-woah, oh-woah, oh-woah
I never wanted to stop because I don't wanna start all over, start all over,
I was afraid of the dark but now it's all that I want, all that I want, all that I want
And when the daylight comes I'll have to go
But tonight I'm gonna hold you so close
Cause in the daylight we'll be on our own
But tonight I need to hold you so close
And when the daylight comes I'll have to go
But tonight I'm gonna hold you so close
Cause in the daylight we'll be on our own
But tonight I need to hold you so close
Oh-woah, oh-woah, oh-woah
Oh-woah, oh-woah, oh-woah
Oh-woah (yeah), oh-woah (yeah), oh-woah (yeah)
Oh-woah (yeah), oh-woah (yeah), oh-woah!
1303
So, today is 13th of March 2013. As usual, I went to Puspakom to have my driving practice. At the same time, my crush was having a JPJ Test along with a bunch of other kids. I knew that today might be the last time we will meet because after he passed the test, we will not meet again in driving practice.
Knowing that we might not meet again, I knew I had to do something. I wanted to say "Good luck" at him but I can't because first of all, I don't have the guts, and second, he was with his friends. So, I can't just go through his friends and say "Heyyy" right?
And I didn't say anything to him. Yes, I do hate myself for being such a loser. I went home in disappointment and went straight for my laptop to comfort myself by surfing the Internet. I had a chat with my crush's friend, my friend and I called him 'Geletang' because he used to have curly hair, on Facebook talking about his failure in the earlier test.
Then, I went to Geletang's wall to search for my crush's Facebook account. And there it is! My crush's account! He does have a FB account. I had a broad smile on my face. So, I was looking at his photos when I found out something that made me cried. It says that he has a girlfriend. There are tonnes of his girlfriend's photos. Photos of them holding hands and couple stuffs.
I cried because I am stupid, pathetic loser, a fool. And to make things worse, I know that girl. She's my ex's cousin. And I never like her because she's a bitch. There's also a caption on his photo album saying "My sweetheart, muahh". So, I guess that's it. I am once again hurt.
Knowing that we might not meet again, I knew I had to do something. I wanted to say "Good luck" at him but I can't because first of all, I don't have the guts, and second, he was with his friends. So, I can't just go through his friends and say "Heyyy" right?
And I didn't say anything to him. Yes, I do hate myself for being such a loser. I went home in disappointment and went straight for my laptop to comfort myself by surfing the Internet. I had a chat with my crush's friend, my friend and I called him 'Geletang' because he used to have curly hair, on Facebook talking about his failure in the earlier test.
Then, I went to Geletang's wall to search for my crush's Facebook account. And there it is! My crush's account! He does have a FB account. I had a broad smile on my face. So, I was looking at his photos when I found out something that made me cried. It says that he has a girlfriend. There are tonnes of his girlfriend's photos. Photos of them holding hands and couple stuffs.
I cried because I am stupid, pathetic loser, a fool. And to make things worse, I know that girl. She's my ex's cousin. And I never like her because she's a bitch. There's also a caption on his photo album saying "My sweetheart, muahh". So, I guess that's it. I am once again hurt.
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